what the smile is really covering up

I have hypothyroidism, and I hate it! I have had this horrible disease since the third grade ( around age 7-8). Hypothyroidism, is a disease of the thyroid, it is when the thyroid is slow. Basically what that means is I have a slow metabolism. Throughout the years I have been going to doctors, and every time I go, it is the same thing. You need to eat less, and exercise more. So I do for a while, and nothing seems to work, so I just stop doing it. Not too long ago I was eating the healthiest I have ever eaten, not eating after 6ish, and exercising around 6 days a week. Exercising= running/cycling/elliptical for 45min-1hr. Then weight training. I did this for an entire month. I would have just been happy to lose 5-10lbs..NOTHING!! I believe that I actually gained like 2lbs. I have read numerous stories on different blog sites and they all say the same thing, that they have the same problem, and that their doctors tell them to eat less and exercise more. I even read that one person was exercising for hours a day and only eating around 900 calories, and was still gaining weight, being on the medicine. Personally I think that there might be something in the medicine that triggers weight gain when we eat.
I have even tried not taking my medicine for a while. It did not change anything. I felt the exact same as I did when I was on the medicine. I went to the doctor, and was demanded to start retaking the medicine because I could end up in the hospital. Personally I do not even care anymore. Maybe if I went to the hospital they might be able to do something more than the doctors. I feel like doctors are trained to say the same thing every time. I honestly believe that. I ask the same questions every time I go in, and get the same answer...Eat less, exercise more..and when I tell her that it doesnt work...same answer again and endocrineologists encourage their patients with hypothyroidism to not take any weightloss medicine or supplements. Living with disease is extremely hard. I have such horrible self esteem issues because I have this disease that basically prevents me from losing any amount of weight. It is so hard living in a society that looks at the outside of people. Yes, I know God looks at the heart, and what is inside...blah blah blah. Humans dont! No matter who you ask, everyone looks at the outward appearance. Some say "I am a beautiful girl" yeah...on the inside. I am so scared for my heart, it is slowly beginning to believe that I will never get married and never have kids. With having this disease I feel like I will never be loved by a male because I am not attractive on the outside. I am so sick of being in the skin that I am in. I wish I could just wake up one day and thank God that it was all a nightmare, but I know that will never happen. I need to feel beautiful in my own skin but its so hard with these nasty bat wings for arms, gross cankles, huge thighs I can barely fit into my jeans, and they ugliest stretch marks on my stomach because of all of the weight. I have such cute clothes in my closet, and would love to wear them, but everytime I do wear them I am so self conscious and end up covering myself up with jackets. I cant wait for the day that I am finally comfortable in my own skin. I hope it will be one day soon, but I have a feeling it will not be for many many years.