lately...

Oh Wow! So much to say...lots going on.
~I am very excited for a few lovely people in my life, they are getting hitched :) Jacki, Mallory, Eden and Cait. They are all going to make lovely wives!! I love them all so so much!

~I got into USF, and the College of Education!! all within a week of classes starting. That is definitely a God story! Ever since school started I have been hitting the books! My head just seems to be buried in them, and its not coming out anytime soon :( I am oh so thankful to be able to have the classes that I need and I am only going three days a week! Five classes is a lot, but it is not as bad as I was expecting. They all seem to talk about the same things for now. My ESOL class, is horrible! The teacher is so brief on what he wants, that I do not know if I am doing things right. I hope so because I really do not want to take this class again! I love all of my other classes! I love them because I know people in them. Oh, I made a new friend. Her name is Sagan. She is pretty awesome. We met at the elevator on the first day of class. We were both late :) Amazing how God can take something not so great and turn it into Amazingness :) We found out that we have like 3 classes together. In my other classes I was able to make new friends too. Its awesome.

~In January I was laid off from Beefs. I did not know what to do, but I had total and complete faith in God that he would bring me a job when I needed one. And of course He did. I had like no money in my bank account and I found a lady online and I now watch her two kids. I was starting to get stressed out and was telling another lady that I babysit for about what was going on and she offered me a position on Mondays and Fridays which were the two days that I had off every week. Talk about another God story. I also still work at the church every other Sunday. Which is great! I love my jobs! Praise God for all three of them!

ok, i really wish i had time to write more. hopefully i'll remember to write more often. back to being buried in those books...woo hoo

what the smile is really covering up

I have hypothyroidism, and I hate it! I have had this horrible disease since the third grade ( around age 7-8). Hypothyroidism, is a disease of the thyroid, it is when the thyroid is slow. Basically what that means is I have a slow metabolism. Throughout the years I have been going to doctors, and every time I go, it is the same thing. You need to eat less, and exercise more. So I do for a while, and nothing seems to work, so I just stop doing it. Not too long ago I was eating the healthiest I have ever eaten, not eating after 6ish, and exercising around 6 days a week. Exercising= running/cycling/elliptical for 45min-1hr. Then weight training. I did this for an entire month. I would have just been happy to lose 5-10lbs..NOTHING!! I believe that I actually gained like 2lbs. I have read numerous stories on different blog sites and they all say the same thing, that they have the same problem, and that their doctors tell them to eat less and exercise more. I even read that one person was exercising for hours a day and only eating around 900 calories, and was still gaining weight, being on the medicine. Personally I think that there might be something in the medicine that triggers weight gain when we eat.
I have even tried not taking my medicine for a while. It did not change anything. I felt the exact same as I did when I was on the medicine. I went to the doctor, and was demanded to start retaking the medicine because I could end up in the hospital. Personally I do not even care anymore. Maybe if I went to the hospital they might be able to do something more than the doctors. I feel like doctors are trained to say the same thing every time. I honestly believe that. I ask the same questions every time I go in, and get the same answer...Eat less, exercise more..and when I tell her that it doesnt work...same answer again and endocrineologists encourage their patients with hypothyroidism to not take any weightloss medicine or supplements. Living with disease is extremely hard. I have such horrible self esteem issues because I have this disease that basically prevents me from losing any amount of weight. It is so hard living in a society that looks at the outside of people. Yes, I know God looks at the heart, and what is inside...blah blah blah. Humans dont! No matter who you ask, everyone looks at the outward appearance. Some say "I am a beautiful girl" yeah...on the inside. I am so scared for my heart, it is slowly beginning to believe that I will never get married and never have kids. With having this disease I feel like I will never be loved by a male because I am not attractive on the outside. I am so sick of being in the skin that I am in. I wish I could just wake up one day and thank God that it was all a nightmare, but I know that will never happen. I need to feel beautiful in my own skin but its so hard with these nasty bat wings for arms, gross cankles, huge thighs I can barely fit into my jeans, and they ugliest stretch marks on my stomach because of all of the weight. I have such cute clothes in my closet, and would love to wear them, but everytime I do wear them I am so self conscious and end up covering myself up with jackets. I cant wait for the day that I am finally comfortable in my own skin. I hope it will be one day soon, but I have a feeling it will not be for many many years.

stepping out...

In the past few months I have stepped out of my "box" or comfort zone only a few times.
Helping plan a missions trip is one. I have gone on four missions trips already and really felt like I was supposed to do more for this, so I jumped in and started helping Pastor Dean plan the trip. Some things that go along with helping plan something of that matter are things like calling people...which I hate doing..so I text most people. I am not a fan of the awkwardness that goes along with talking to people that I do not know that well. That was the biggest challenge for me. Other than that I have loved every minute of it! Its something that I had never done before, and now love to do and can not wait to plan another!
Helping plan a ladies retreat. I am not sure what I have gotten myself into with that one. Its all just begun. Somehow I feel it will be the same way. Ill hate doing parts but overall Ill love the whole experience. From start to finish I can not wait to see how it all goes!
Last but not least. I went on a bike ride with my friend Jacki. We decided to go to Flatwoods. I had been there a few times before and knew that I could definitely do it. I was excited about it. Jacki even said that they had trails, which I had never ever done before. I was a little hesitant at first, but was excited to step out. When we got there, I was so excited! We started riding, then go to the trail. We started off down it..so far so good. Then came the smaller and smaller trail, in and out up and down between trees, and of course there were roots...EVERYWHERE! The roots were what scared me the most because I had never gone off roading on a bike before. She kept warning me (because she was in front) of the roots. I held on for dear life it seemed. At our first stop we stopped to take pictures, and to get some water. I went to stretch my hands, and I could barely open them from the grip that I had on the handles. I just started laughing. After that was cool, until a crazy fast other biker guy just came barreling down the path...scared the daylights out of both of us. There were a few more of those crazy biker guys. You seriously dont expect them, and then they just come out from no where. Once we got to the road, it was smooth sailing...then I decided to stop..boy was that a mistake! When I got back on the bike..I hurt in places that shall remain nameless :) Finally we got back to the car, and I still cant believe that I did it. I am very proud...oh did I mention...We rode for two and a half hours...Fun..yet Crazy! We will do it again :)
After stepping out of the box..I now know that good things come out of it. You are challenged in ways that you never thought that you could overcome. Yet you can..through God's strength..of couse!

those were the days...

I miss the days where I could go outside and see a car driving by, and actually know who it was. I miss the days of the old publix, and having a horse farm where the current one is. I miss the days of the orange groves everywhere! Why did the roads have to become wider? I miss the days where you were allowed to ride your bike to your friends house two miles away! Now I can not stand all of the traffic, and all of the noise. Land O Lakes used to be a small town, everyone knew everyone! Living in the same house your whole life was normal, now you tell people that and they look at you like you're crazy! These are the days of sex predators as your next door neighbors, houses everywhere, and not knowing anyone around. I loved the fact that I could walk into any given store at any given time, and run into at least five people that I knew. These are the days of cell phone conversations at the checkout like ( that annoy the cashier even if you do apologize-can you not wait two minutes and just call the person back) and just plain rudeness. I can not stand what the world is coming to. Its just disgusting! I am a nice person most of the time, and sometimes it is just way too hard to be nice all of the time to so many rude and unkind people. I miss the days of complete happiness! People were not worried about their houses being forclosed on, they could'nt afford it to begin with, so they just didnt buy it. Today's society needs a reality check. And in a way I am glad that this recession is going on. Maybe people will realize that if they cant afford it, they really dont need the newest bmw, or the most expensive jeans. I think slowly it is starting to happen. There is only one thing that I am worried about, and that is for the people who have to live paycheck to paycheck, and not even having enough money to live on because they have to pay credit card bills that they racked up with buying gas when it was $4 a gallon, and trying to please their families with everything--you cant buy love! so my advice is...dont even try. I hope and pray that society will learn to live with what they have!

I've Come To Realize...

I have come to realize that trusting God with all of your heart, soul and mind is hard. Just when I think that I have given it all to Him, there is one last thing...I was recently inspired to spend more time with God...and so I am. I have had my moments with God...really great moments, but they are few and far between. I want more of them..so I am doing what I was inspired to do :) So far it has been quite hard, and it has only been a week. I love love love music, and enjoy listening to all all of the different kinds, this week I have listened to nothing but christian radio, let me tell you...that has been difficult!!!! just when i want to changethe station because of talking and static, one of my favorite songs comes on and it is clear as day..is that God or what :)

There is that one thing that is so hard for me to just give to God. Its so hard, and I dont know why. I just want to trust Him, but I feel like (and I know its satan) if I give everything, including this one thing, that I am going to be so so so busy doing what God wants me to do. I feel like this one thing that I want so bad, will never be answered. Yes I know that God will give me the desires of my heart, but I feel like this one prayer, will be the one He just says no to.